Men and Counselling
A place to explore struggles, identity, and strength in your own way.
For many men, the idea of counselling doesn’t feel natural. I know it didn’t for me when I first started. Not because of a lack of struggle, but because of how many of us have learned to survive.
Most men are taught, explicitly or implicitly, to deal with things on their own. To push through. To stay useful. To keep going. To ignore feelings. Over time, this can quietly turn into the belief that needing help means you’ve failed, fallen behind, or lost control.
Counselling can feel like the opposite of strength, especially if you’ve built a life around competence, responsibility, or endurance.
“We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves.”
— François de La Rochefoucauld
Why Counselling Does Not Feel Natural
Why it can be
Especially Hard for Men
Men often arrive at counselling later than they might need to. Not because they lack insight, but because the cost of stopping feels too high.
Common experiences include:
Anger bubbling under the surface and sometimes spilling out
Numbing out when words don’t come or feelings feel blocked
Turning to risk, distraction, or escape
Over-functioning, staying busy, or carrying everyone else
Holding things alone because exposure feels dangerous
For many men, the struggle isn’t only with anxiety, addiction, burnout, or relationships. It’s also about identity and questions such as who am I if I can’t handle this? Who am I if I slow down? Who am I if I need help?
What Counselling Is
(and Is not)
Counselling here is not about:
Being told what to do.
Being analysed or judged.
Being reduced to a diagnosis.
Feeling pressure to appear insightful or emotionally articulate.
It is about creating space to speak honestly and at your pace, without pressure to impress, defend, or explain yourself away.
You don’t have to arrive knowing what you feel or how to say it. You don’t have to be in crisis. You don’t even have to be sure counselling is what you want. Tentative exploration is welcome.
A Different
Kind of Strength
Many men are already strong in ways that have kept them alive, employed, high-functioning, and showing up for others. Counselling doesn’t take that strength away, but helps examine the cost of carrying everything alone.
Often, the work involves:
Making sense of anger without being consumed by it
Seeing emotions as informative rather than positive or negative
Naming exhaustion without collapsing into it
Learning to tolerate vulnerability without losing yourself
Reclaiming parts of life that have narrowed over time
This isn’t about becoming someone else.
It’s about becoming more fully yourself, with less armour required.
My Approach
Collaborative and grounded
My approach is direct, collaborative, and grounded in respect. In my counselling practice in Vancouver, I work with what’s present, such as thoughts, emotions, patterns, and stories, in a way that honours agency without leaving you isolated.
Able to handle uncertainty
Counselling is something we do together, not something done to you.
You don’t need to have the right words.
You don’t need to be sure this will work.
You only need enough willingness to begin a conversation.
If something here resonates, even slightly, that may be enough to take a next step.
You can learn more about what a first session is like, what the different areas of focus are, or reach out directly when you’re ready.